Adventures in Jarin's World - Video games are my destiny

This adventure took place on April 9th
I'm making a big batch of lotion but see a small figure with blue pjs sneak by) - A little person is opening the hall closet.
Me: Jarin what are you doing?
Jarin: nothing.
Me: Then why are you looking in the tool basket:
Jarin: I’m not sure (Jarin ever the casanova is thinking fast...how can he sweet talk his way out of this one...you can see the wheels turning)
Jarin: But mom my DSi won’t connect to the internet and I neeeed to fix it.
Me: Jarin you don’t need to connect to the internet. Why can’t you just go play with your cars or read a book or something?
Jarin: I don’t know why... but I really feel like video games are my DESTINYYYYYY.
Me: Is that why you have the screw driver?
Jarin: Maybe
Me: Jarin put the screw drivers back you do not need to open your DSi.
Jarin is seriously thinking how much trouble he would be in if took the screw driver anyway.
Me: Jarin put the screw driver back!! Close the closet you are NOT to operate on your toys EVER!!! Annnnd if it breaks YOU WILL NOT get another one ever...... unless you buy it your own money and we won’t help
Jarin: (with very wide eyes) OK mom...(he slinks out of the kitchen but soon returns)
Me: Jarin why are you opening the closet again I told you... you cannot operate on your toys.
Jarin: I know mom I'm just checking to make sure everything in the closet is in order.

Conversations with a pre-tween diva...What is.....

Back story: We are watching the view this morning waiting for Jaleel White to come on. So Sara Ramirez from Grey Anatomy talking about her character Calli's sexuality and mentions that if a label has to be put on it...the character is bi-sexual.

The Diva: Dad...(thank goodness is wasn't me this time) Dad what does bi-sexual mean?
DH (insert your choice of d word here then husband): Huh?
The Diva: What does bisexual mean? (she looks at me)
DH: Am I really supposed to answer that?
Me: yep...she asked you I'm off the hook...tag you're it.
(the diva realizes she has us trapped but she's not sure what to do with the information)
The Diva: Is this one of those hard questions again..
(I can see she is getting fed up with our unpreparedness- I'm getting sighs and rolling eyes)
DH: Do you really want me to answer you. I can ya know.
The Diva: No dad... (she falls back in the chair exasperated)
Me: Seriously honey it's okay for you to know what that term means.
The Diva: No that's ok
Me: Why?
The Diva:Just cause..
Me: Cause what?...(ummm maybe I'm on to something there aarrre 2 of us in the room)...you don't want to know or do you think you are not old enough to know.
The Diva: No
Me: No what? you don't want to know or you don't think you are old enough to know (I think I have her on the ropes she is looking uncomfortable)
(DH is suspiciously quite and looking at me out of the corner of his eyes)
The Diva: No
Me: Ok you are confusing me what part of question are you answering?
The Diva: The part you asked
(Do I see a hint of teenager peeking out)
Me: excuse me?
The Diva: Mom I'm just answering your question
Me: Oh so let me get this straight (I'm stepping lightly here) you think you not old enough to know yet.
The Diva: Nooo mooommm
Me: Well honey if you want to know when you get older we can talk about ok (I have the biggest smirk on my face - I think I may have won this round- she's embarrassed)
The Diva: Mom are you going to laugh at me now?
Me: Of course not but I will chuckle a bit.

Conversations with a pre-tween diva... hormones & hair

Often my fits of panic revolve around my 10 yr. old daughter-Jori (Also know as the pretween diva). She is approaching young womanhood with questions I'm glad she feels comfortable to talk to me about but I'm so not ready for most of it.
Set up- we are getting dressed for today's adventures in NYC.
Me: Oh man I hope I rememebed to bring my deorderant.
The diva: Mom when will I be ready to wear deorderant?
(Ok I can handel this isn't not a bad question)
The Diva: Is this another hard question... you look funny again
Me: Well (I can do this) when your hormones start to develope that is what helps you to become a grown up lady and your body changes, you grow hair in your private places and under your arms, and your grow boobies. Remember we talked about that.
The Diva: Yes I remember... ummmm mom I already hair in places.
(I have lost all forms of function) the diva falls back on the bed.
Me: Where do you have hair? (I'm so not sure I want to know this)
The Diva: never mind...(I'm starting to get the eye rolls)
Me: no honey really it's ok...where dooo you have hair I don't know about?
The Diva: Never mind mommmmmm uuugghhhhhhhh!!!!!
Me: Ohhhh Jori....I'm not talking about the lite color hair all over your body, I'm talking about the hair like I have under my arms see.(lifting up my arm)
The Diva: ohhh now I get it.....Mom how come all our clothes have made in China on them?
Note to self.... be really techincal and have visual aids and your child will change the subject.

Adventures in Jarin's World - All I want for Breakfast

Ok here the back story and trust me with my son there is always a story.
Soooooo  for the last 6 months or so the kids have been on a cinnamon kick. I mean seriously cinnamon pancakes ( of course not the ones I make they have to be the Pillsbury cinnabon pancakes), Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal, cinnamon butter ( but only if I make it.. the store bought one doesn't taste the same), Apple & Cinnamon Oatmeal... well you get the picture. Well due to my lack of being able to magically twinkle my nose and make boxes of cereal appear on demand we ran out to which the drama king (yes there is such a thing as a drama king- I got one of those) strongly suggested I remember to put on the grocery list. Me being the insolent servant I am forgot the first 2 times. Oh by the way we are on a mini vacation in New City for spring break.
Here's this mornings conversation:
Me: Jarin what would you like for breakfast?
Jarin: What we got?
Me: We have cinnamon toast crunch, cinnamon pancakes, regular pancakes, and as soon as daddy gets back from store we will have eggs and croissants with cinnamon butter.
Jarin: When will daddy get back?
Me: Don't know so I'm going to go ahead and make you your favorite cinnamon pancakes with bacon and sausage.
Jarin: What else we got?  Can I have Coco Crispies.
Me: I told you already.... and no that wasn't one of the choices. So I'm going to start the pancakes now.
Jarin: Wellll what if cinnamon pancakes aren't my favorite anymore? Then what?
----I'm at a lost for words
Me: Is it to early drink? Ummm maybe I'll just have mommy coffee instead. (Coffee with a touch of Irish Cream or Kahlua - and not the non dairy creamer kind either).

Conversations with a pre-tween diva... bras & boobies

Conversation with a pre tween Diva---
The Diva: Mom how come I'm the only girl  in school who doesn't have a bra?"
(Good grief no warning this time question completely out of left field)
Me: Well honey you don't have anything to put in a bra yet. (Breathe Renee breathe and hold on)
The Diva: Well Megan has one and sheeeee doesn't have boobies yet.
(Deep breathe)
Me: Megan's mom bought her one and that's ok for her... you are not going to get one until you have something to put in one.
The Diva: Well when will that be?
Me:Uuuummmmm well...seeee when you ummmmmm (Ugggggghhhhhh need a paper bag can't breathe ....)
The Diva: Is that another hard question again?
Me: yeah why?
The Diva: you have that look on your face..... then she happily skips out of the room.